Assistant US Attorney Jonathan Haub is Really Old

Blast Zone No. 26
Set Up On:
Category: Prosecutors - Federal
Current Office Location:
1000 SW Third Ave Suite 600
Portland, Oregon 97204
Retirement Statistics:
A MUCH Younger Jonathan Haub
A MUCH Younger Jonathan Haub

Assistant United States Attorney Jonathan Haub is so old that it is a wonder he can be an assistant of any kind without assistance. His exact age is difficult to determine, but he has to be nearing 70, which makes him ripe for Alzheimer's, dementia, and other age related mental deficiencies. Plus, he was an army officer for many years and could have been exposed to all sorts of experimental vaccines over the years. He is so old that he could have Agent Orange poisoning, Gulf War Syndrome, and Traumatic Brain Injury combined. While deployed to the former Yugoslavia, he was most likely exposed to Communist philosophies. Then of course as a lawyer, he is probably more than financially capable of retiring, so why does he keep showing up to work? He may have forgotten his own age, but not how to get to the office. That would explain a lot, so to help him out I have placed the location of his office on the map above, so that when he forgets where he works and how to get there he can find out.

Joking aside, why am I adding him to the Enemies of Liberty project? It is because after conceding that his office no longer has the right to seek restrictions that ban me from computers, he still filed a motion seeking to ban me from my Constitutionally protected business. He said that letting me run it wold be like "giving an arsonist gasoline and matches" and I agree because as a lover of free speech I will always light a fire of truth on the ass of anyone I have a problem with because I have every right to and it is the best way I have found to empower myself peacefully. So, for going after non-violent speech in violation of the First Amendment he is an enemy of liberty. Perhaps he has forgotten his Constitutional law studies.

One problem with people in his age range is that in general they do not understand technology very well, so it surprises me that he took over my case from Sean Hoar.

2/8/2017 - This just in: Jonathan Haub has retired! Ironic is it not? I mean, I write this post linking to retirement statistics for him to look at and before the site even goes live he retires. The man must be psychic.

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